Hello Benjamin Episode #4

What is your sign?
Libra – the scales. My mom thinks it is prefect because I can always see both sides of things and weigh every decision carefully before I make a decision. Lets just be honest, I can be indecisive.

Which kid were you in High school?
I was a hodgepodge, I was the smart/kinda popular kid but I also played volleyball and the violin… so who knows which kid I was in high school! I know I am not the kid who misses high school though! That is for sure!!!

Let’s pretend you are stranded on an island. You are going to be stuck there for 2 years. You can only bring 2 people with you, who would you bring? You can only bring 4 “things” with you, what would they be? Why? Every year the people who put you on the island would send you 2 celebrities to entertain you for 2 days, who would you want to come visit? You have lots of lame ass agricultural type food available to you, but every once in a while, the people who put you on the island would deliver a precooked meal for you, this meal would be the same meal every time, what would you request?
Um, I that is a hard question! Obviously Matt, that is a no brainer. I think my other person would be either Tracy or Blaze or Emily or Kelly. They are all pretty entertaining, and if I am going to be stuck with them for a long time, they better entertain me. Emily! She is a girl scout and would be very handy on the island and not complain about it… Matt and Emily – that’s who I am taking. What I would bring… Bleu and Lola, my dogs. Assuming I have all the basic necessities (food, shelter, bathroom)… my ipod (yes, they do have power to recharged it on my island! This is not Castaway!) and my camera. I want to be able to show everybody the crazy island shenanigans when I get off this freaking island!!! The celebrities I want for 2 days a year 1) Obviously Kathy Griffin! She would just catch me up on all the gossip I have missed and take my stories back to you guys to share so we can all stay updated. I think the other one would be Michael Jordan. Matt really likes him, and he is stuck on a deserted island with 2 girls. I think he could use seeing another guy and talking sports. Matt may pick some other athlete or sports announcer, so really MJ is just a place holder. McDonalds Quarter Pounder with Cheese with fries and a Dr. Pepper, with a side of chicken nuggets!!! If I am eating super healthy organic crap, I want to splurge on junk. And what is better than McDonalds?!?!?

part 2 of this interview coming Monday! Stay tuned. And also, we really love the photo for this episode.

Grown Up

I have recently decided that I don't want to be a grown up. But then I started thinking about it, and I don't want to be a kid again either. For instance:

1. I like to be able to drink alcohol legally
2. I don't miss having a "bed time"
3. I like having my own house
4. I don't miss being threatened to be grounded if I don't clean my room (Matt, don't get any ideas! you are my husband, and there fore cannot ground me.)
5. I miss coming home and someone has cooked for you and the house (with the exception of my room) is cleaned.
6. I love someone else paying the bills
7. I like being able to eat cookies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if I so choose.
8. I hate that if I do that, I now gain weight... boo!
9. I love having a sleepover with a boy every night!
10. And this is the most important, I hate working. Careers are so very overrated!

So what I have discovered, is that it isn't that I don't want to be a grown up anymore, its that I don't want to be a RESPONSIBLE grown up anymore. All those times I made fun of slackers, I apologize! I realize now that I was actually jealous... very, very jealous. Now I just have to figure out a way (other than winning the lottery because that hasn't been working so far) to be a slacker, but still have the money to afford the lifestyle I have become accustomed (or preferably a much better one.) Again, I ask you, why don't I have my own show?!

Dirty Diapers

My new car smells like dirty diaper. Hooked? Intrigued? I thought you would be! So here is why...
For the 4th of July weekend, Matt and I drove to Memphis to visit his parents. Matt's mom got a new car, so gave us her old one. It is SUPER old, but nice and I will with a happy face drive it because it is nicer than our other cars and hopefully will get us through this year so we can buy a new(er) hybid next year. The weekend was fun, apparently there are lots of mosquitoes and chiggers in Memphis because I literally am covered in bites. But it was fun.
Because we got a new car, Matt and I had to drive separately, and decided to separate the dogs as well. Since I got to drive our new car (hooray!) I had to ride with Bleu (boo!). Matt's stomach didn't feel too great, but he took some medicine and we decided to push through. We were about 45 minutes into the ride and Bleu started acting funny, so I figured he needed to go potty. So we stoped and walked the dogs and he doesn't really do anything. So we load them back up and hit the road.
About another hour and a half goes by and my stomach starts to feel bad. So we pull in at the next exit so I can go to the bathroom. We walk the dogs. No real business done. Matt and I decide it looks like it might rain, so we will eat lunch here and see if the rain passes while we eat.

We get back on the road and about 20 minutes back on the road, and it starts to pour. No big deal. Well then Bleu starts getting super super anxious... Whining, can't sit still, annoying. But what else is new? I just assume it is because it is raining and he can't see Matt's car. Can't sit still, can't sit still, whining, more whining.
Silence.
I think I smell something. I look in my rear view mirror and Bleu is literally taking the biggest dump I have ever seen in the back seat of my new car!! So I call Matt. The only thing that I can get to come out of my mouth is "shit! Shit in the back seat!!" I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this point. I think I start doing both, while dry heaving at the same time. Because it is raining, I can't really speed, or roll down my window. But we finally get to an exit (15 minutes later!) and there is NOTHING there.

We pulled over in someone's driveway, in the rain, in the mud, and tried to get as much of the shit out of the seat as possible. Then we both puked... Awesome. So we get back in the car to go to the next exit to find something to clean it more and take care of the smell. This exit is about another 10 minutes away. FINALLY we get there and I run to the bathroom and Matt walks Bleu. Still no business, but that is not surprising because it is all in the back seat of my car. So then Matt goes in to get something to clean the car and comes back with an air freshener and baby wipes.

Flash back to Ivory, Matt's dad, giving Bleu endless amounts of bar-b-q and ribs, and I say "Give him as much as you want, but I am sending you the cleaning bill when he shits in my car. HAHAH". I always thought I was psychic, but I had no idea I really and truly was!

Note for future reference - cleaning poop with baby wipes equals the smell of a dirty diaper.

So I drove the rest of the 3.5 hours back to Tulsa with a quiet dog (although I am pretty sure he was laughing to himself) in a new car that smells like dirty diaper.

Happy Birthday America!

Hello Benjamin Episode #3

In this week’s installment of “Hello Benjamin”, Rachel answers a handful of questions submitted by her dear friend Blaze. Blaze probably has one of the coolest names ever. Ever. I mean like seriously, that’s an awesome name.

What's your biggest pet peeve?
More than anything, chewing with your mouth open. There is nothing more disgusting in the world than hearing someone else smack on their food. Food is not something you should share with others once it has hit your lips. I don’t want to hear it, see it, know it exists outside your mouth.

How would you fix global warming?
That is a tough one… First, I would make all the people who drive hummers around town just to show people they are rich enough to own and drive a tank for no reason other than to show people they can – drive smart cars. (I am laughing imagining their face as they see their brand new car – said in the voice of the Price is Right announcer…) All the idiot teenagers who drive up and down a certain street in every city to show off the car their parents gave them – they should be forced to ride a banana seat bike 1 week for every mile they cruised up and down the street. I bet that ends that pretty quickly! All the politicians who are so busy trying to work to lower gas prices and stop global warming – and then take private jets back and forth between DC and where ever they are so busy going; they should have to fly commercial (and suffer the crazy ticket prices like the rest of us!), commute to work (again, laughing imagining all of our senators and congressmen waiting at the bus stop as the big yellow school bus pulls up and drops them off at Congress), and have to pay for the gas and utilities for an average constituent. I think that should give them incentive to find the funding to research a renewable non-earth killing energy source. And something has to be done about India and China – they are out of control! I will have to think about that some more. Look for part 2 to this question. – Coming Soon: Benjamin’s tips to fixing the world’s problems

If you had to kill one person in the world to save your own life who would it be?
Gosh, so many candidates.**Due to the sensitive nature revolving around the first candidate Rachel offered up, we have intervened and censored this portion of the interview – censorship rules!** Paris Hilton. That’s my answer. She is an idiot who does nothing and no one but TMZ would miss her. The funny thing is that TMZ doesn’t even really talk about her anymore… In a heartbeat. I would off Paris just to save myself. I am really doing a public service!

Since the world revolves around you, what makes the world go around?
Good question… I’ll tell you. My wit, charm, and good looks. And sugar – lots of caffeine and sugar.

Hello Benjamin Episode 2

And now...
As seen on duanefernandez.com

In this week’s feature of “Hello Benjamin”, we get down to some real hard hitting questions with Rachel. If you are a new visitor to duanefernandez.com last week we decided to start a new weekly feature titled “Hello Benjamin” – A look into the life and times of Rachel. Why Rachel? Because she is awesome and she appreciates the fact that I am ok with annihilating an entire species of animal to bring down gas prices. [Disclaimer, she may not share my point of view, but she appreciates it… * Tina does not appreciate it.]

What did you want to be when you were a kid?
I think I wanted to be a doctor, but then I realized I hate science and am also not good at it. I used to want to be a fashion designer… I drew a dress once that I found like 5 years later at Cache… I wore it to my Junior prom and still have it. Man – I should really start thinking about doing that instead!!! Also, I should learn to sew if I want to design again… Interesting…

Greatest accomplishment?
Um… Keeping myself alive for the past 25 years? I don’t like to hang my hat on “this one time, I did this one great thing.” I would rather live by being proud of the little things. I graduated from a private college with 2 majors in 4 years with 0 debt (ok, so that’s kinda big!) I make my dogs happy every day. I married my soulmate. I have awesome friends… and now… “Hello Benjamin” (said with a SPANISH accent!). Now, once I get my own show on Bravo or Mojo, all that goes down the drain…That will be my greatest accomplishment and how I define success and screw all the little people I have to step on to get there!! (followed by evil giggle)

How do you define success?
Personal success? I am happy with the outcome and didn’t have to hurt anyone in the process. I just can’t stand when people brag about accomplishments that they only got or did because they obliterated other people to get there. What’s funny – I want to be a lawyer?

1 of your top 3 favorite albums of all time…?
I can’t narrow it down to just one! Paul Simon, Graceland – snap decision. I am not a hippy, but I was raised by them..

Posted by Duane Fernandez at 1:19 PM 0 comments

Happy Anniversary!

Today is mine and Matt's 1st anniversary. :) I could not be happier! Can you believe it??? I for one can not! It is really strange that it feels like time flew and I can't believe its already been a full year, and at the exact same time, feel like I have been with him my whole life. ** Hold the gagging please... Its my anniversary and I can take this time to be as cheesey as I want. You can make fun of me tomorrow **
So, in the 1 year that we have been married, Matt changed jobs, and got a promotion, I got a promotion, we bought a house, 3 good friends got married, 3 more got engaged, and tons more are getting married in our 2nd year, 4 friends had babies, and 3 bought houses too. What a year for us and our friends!! I think this year, I would like to be pretty low key. That is a pretty big year! I think we are going to take this one slow. No big purchases (I say as I knock on wood - chances are, we are going to have to buy a new car this year), no big life changes... just smooth sailing hopefully! But, we are a pretty good team so I think we can handle it when something big comes our way :) We have so far!
Thanks for all your love and support and prayers. We appreciate and need them, and trust me, you guys are in ours as well :)
One final note - to my few remaining single friends... I heart you guys so much!!! I love our couple friends, but sometimes, we are boring!!! (you know it is true. I heard you think it to yourself!). Please continue to keep me entertained and do your thing! Everyone has their own path and I am loving seeing where each of ours goes :)

One Step Closer to My Show!

FINALLY!!! Someone else has recognized to amazingness that is me! About dang time people!!! Duane, a guy I work with at Cubic, has a blog as well. Unless you know Duane, most of the complete randomness doesn't make sense; but I do, so I find it entertaining. Duane has recently decided to add a weekly feature to his blog - an interview with yours truly :) Since I know that most of you won't click over there often enough to find it, I will cut and paste it here for you guys so you can enjoy it as well. I promise to cut and paste it exactly as it appears in his post :)

Today's Post:
I’m going to be adding a new feature to my blog. Here is some background on this new feature: Rachel is awesome. I work with Rachel. She keeps things moving smoothly at Cubic. She’s awesome like that. BUT more importantly, her awesomeness transcends her daily tasks at Cubic. She is by far one of the most blunt and honest people I have met. I love it. Last week I was chatting with Rachel and I decided that the rest of the world should have the opportunity to get to know Rachel like I have. SO, once a week I will be adding a new interview with her… It’s going to be awesome. The new feature will be titled: “Hello Benjamin” – I am not sure HOW I came up with that name, but… We’re running with it. For the first few weeks we will just be warming up..

“Hello Benjamin” – With Rachel
1. What is the worst fashion trend right now? I used to say tights, but I have succumb to that… So now I will say super short shorts with cuffs. Yuck! I am also not a fan of the gladiator sandals. Oh! I don’t like the emo super skinny jeans either, especially on boys, but they don’t look good on anyone!
2. Best fashion trend? Mini dresses with pockets, who doesn’t love a mini dress? Who doesn’t love pockets??
3. Three adjectives to describe yourself: Pink, entertaining, evolving
4. Best advice you have heard as of late? Keep your ear to the ground, your mind open, and heart full – My dad when I was having a down day.