Monday, July 7, 2008

Dirty Diapers

My new car smells like dirty diaper. Hooked? Intrigued? I thought you would be! So here is why...
For the 4th of July weekend, Matt and I drove to Memphis to visit his parents. Matt's mom got a new car, so gave us her old one. It is SUPER old, but nice and I will with a happy face drive it because it is nicer than our other cars and hopefully will get us through this year so we can buy a new(er) hybid next year. The weekend was fun, apparently there are lots of mosquitoes and chiggers in Memphis because I literally am covered in bites. But it was fun.
Because we got a new car, Matt and I had to drive separately, and decided to separate the dogs as well. Since I got to drive our new car (hooray!) I had to ride with Bleu (boo!). Matt's stomach didn't feel too great, but he took some medicine and we decided to push through. We were about 45 minutes into the ride and Bleu started acting funny, so I figured he needed to go potty. So we stoped and walked the dogs and he doesn't really do anything. So we load them back up and hit the road.
About another hour and a half goes by and my stomach starts to feel bad. So we pull in at the next exit so I can go to the bathroom. We walk the dogs. No real business done. Matt and I decide it looks like it might rain, so we will eat lunch here and see if the rain passes while we eat.

We get back on the road and about 20 minutes back on the road, and it starts to pour. No big deal. Well then Bleu starts getting super super anxious... Whining, can't sit still, annoying. But what else is new? I just assume it is because it is raining and he can't see Matt's car. Can't sit still, can't sit still, whining, more whining.
Silence.
I think I smell something. I look in my rear view mirror and Bleu is literally taking the biggest dump I have ever seen in the back seat of my new car!! So I call Matt. The only thing that I can get to come out of my mouth is "shit! Shit in the back seat!!" I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this point. I think I start doing both, while dry heaving at the same time. Because it is raining, I can't really speed, or roll down my window. But we finally get to an exit (15 minutes later!) and there is NOTHING there.

We pulled over in someone's driveway, in the rain, in the mud, and tried to get as much of the shit out of the seat as possible. Then we both puked... Awesome. So we get back in the car to go to the next exit to find something to clean it more and take care of the smell. This exit is about another 10 minutes away. FINALLY we get there and I run to the bathroom and Matt walks Bleu. Still no business, but that is not surprising because it is all in the back seat of my car. So then Matt goes in to get something to clean the car and comes back with an air freshener and baby wipes.

Flash back to Ivory, Matt's dad, giving Bleu endless amounts of bar-b-q and ribs, and I say "Give him as much as you want, but I am sending you the cleaning bill when he shits in my car. HAHAH". I always thought I was psychic, but I had no idea I really and truly was!

Note for future reference - cleaning poop with baby wipes equals the smell of a dirty diaper.

So I drove the rest of the 3.5 hours back to Tulsa with a quiet dog (although I am pretty sure he was laughing to himself) in a new car that smells like dirty diaper.

Happy Birthday America!

3 comments:

blaze said...

Gross. I would have left the dog on the side of the road. Or just made Matt drive the car. Did I mention gross?

Bethany said...

I don't feel all that bad for you...my life smells like dirty diapers, but my dirty diaper smell maker is a lot cuter than a dog!! Dog poo is alwasy gross, but even grosser in a car

Jessie Case said...

hilarious!

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