New Years Resolutions

Today is the LAST day of 2008. How the crap did that happen?! Since tomorrow is a fresh start, clean slate, new beginning, I need to figure out what I want to do this year and how I can improve. I know what you are thinking, and contrary to what you may think, there is room for improvement.

1) Improve our financial situation - this seems pretty generic, and it is. I don't have to tell you people EVERYTHING! I want my credit cards paid off (knock on wood, that should be in the next month or so), my savings increased, and some sort of investment plan for Matt. I contribute to my 401(k) but he doesn't have anything set up for his retirement. That should change this year. Any suggestions?

2) Health - Matt and I are pretty good about cooking at home and not eating too much junk food. That being said, we aren't very good about going to the gym. We are good about paying our gym membership, but not so much the going part. I am going to try going in the morning so my day can still be over when I get home from work. I like just coming home, changing clothes, fixing dinner and relaxing.

3) Grad School - this is the year, it has to be. Matt and I decided that I either start this year, or not at all. So, I am going to try to start. I am studying for the GMAT and take it in January for my applications that are due in February. Wish me luck. That is really going to put a hamper on the financial situation and the being done with the day when I come home. Its a long term improvement though, right?

4) House - This year I am going to try my darnedest to keep the house cleaner longer. I love the house being clean, it is just so hard to maintain! I also have a few projects around the house I want to do. I want to paint the living room and master bath and do something with the retro bathroom. I also want to work on getting the backyard in order. It drives me crazy.

There are some others, but those are the main ones. Pretty generic, I know. Who cares... baby steps, people! I get a little better every year and I think that is pretty good!

Alot Has Happened

Since I am back to blogging, it is safe to assume that Matt and I did not stay in Mexico, however it was touch and go for a while. Here is a recap of my "vacation".

1 - stomach virus on the drive to Mobile via Memphis resulting in
1 - drug induced coma
1 - bag of "dressy" clothes left hanging in closet in Tulsa
2 - hours of waiting in traffic before even getting to the place to board boat
0 - times I got sea sick. Bethany is amazing and so is ginger root. Take her advice and take it!
3 - days the wind and waves made the halls of the ship seem like a pinball game.
652 - number of people under the age of 16 on the boat (there were only 1800 people total!)
1 - possible broken toe (poor matt! atleast it was the last day off the boat and not the 1st!)
9 - hours we spent on the boat past what we were scheduled to. Fog apparently makes it hard to drive and park a boat.
56 - hours spent pulling up carpet, finding a plumber, and cleaning out the utility room and garage after a pipe burst in the house while we were on the cruise.
Countless - time I have spent thanking my lucky stars nothing serious happened and that I have great friends and family who will help when the going gets tough.

Lessons learned - Matt and I are not cruise people; we may try again by ourselves or with friends, but that is a long time coming. I am over family vacations. When you go out of town for over a week, get a house sitter. Always think positive. It can (and frequently does) get worse. I decided that this was just a preemptive kick in our pants to get started on our New Years Resolutions to work on the house and clean out the garage. I also donated a large car load of stuff to Goodwill for a little boost in the karma department.

Way to go!

So the people listened, America did not vote Heba into the final 3 on Biggest Loser. You really do listen to me! :) Sometimes I amaze myself. And it is a good thing that we prevailed - Heba would have won if she was in the final 3. I am still a little bitter that she beat Amy for biggest at home loser. Way to go, Michelle!

Is is just me, or did this season not lose as much weight as past seasons? they still seemed like there was weight to lose at the finale. I still say I would like to see how the people from past seasons are doing. And who has kept it off, Jillian's people or Bob's people? My money is on Jillian's.

I think I am excited for the 3.5 ton Biggest Loser. However, the preview scared me that they might actually kill a guy?! That is taking it a bit far, do you think?

Hills - got caught up last night. At first I was annoyed at Spencer for kidnapping Heidi, getting her drunk, and then convincing her to get married. However, after watching some of it, I think she and Spencer came up with the idea together and pitched it to MTV. I just don't believe that she was "surprised" by it. But she did look pretty upset about it the next morning. I don't know about you guys, but upset and disappointed is not how I felt the morning after my wedding, especially when I was in Mexico!

I leave for my Mexico Christmas Cruise on Saturday! I am out of here starting Friday. I know it will be hard, but please try to make it through the week with out my posting. Also, please pray for me and Matt that I don't get sea sick. And if you have any tips on cruises or treating sea sickness, I beg you to please send them my way.

Merry Christmas!

Small Dilemma... Help?

So I told you earlier that I cheated on my old stylist and found someone new I loved. Well, I am not sure it wasn't puppy love. I am supposed to go back next week, but it really doesn't need it yet, so I am thinking about rescheduling. And then my old stylist sent me a Christmas card and said she missed catching up with me (which really just means that she misses my billing, but we do have a good time chatting).

Should I:
a) reschedule with the new person and give her 1 more time and then decide
b) go back to Crissy and beg for forgiveness
c) find someone all together new

I can't decide. Please tell me you have an opinion! I don't really have to decide until after Christmas, but I should try to make an appointment so I can get in before my hair gets out of control.

Does anyone have someone they love who is good with color and fine straight hair?

Get caught up!

1) Matt is awesome and got me a new phone for Christmas. I got it already because I could no longer function without the 9 button. Its a Blackberry Bold and I am in love. My work and yahoo email go to it, so email me instead of texting me if you can. Did I mention that I love it? I am not really sure how I functioned with out it.

2) In 1 week, I will be leaving to go on my Christmas Cruise with Matt and my Mom's side of the family. I have never been on a cruise, but it isn't Tulsa, Memphis, or Owensboro, it is warm, and they serve copious amounts of adult beverages. Plus Matt said that we could go swimming with the dolphins and I about pee my pants with excitement anytime we talk about it.

3)Matt and I are going to have to buy a new car in 2009. Any suggestions? Call us spoiled, but it will be the 1st time either of us have bought a car.

4)I am very upset that you could not vote Vicki off of Biggest Loser. If she wins, I am done with the show. They have ruined a perfectly good reality show that tried to do good and help people. Gaining weight for the sake of game play should equal you are kicked off the show. Make room for people who are doing it to change their lives! Also shocking - Ryan from Season 1 has basically gained back all of his weight. See where game play gets you?! Nowhere and fat!

5) I am disturbed with The Hills lately to the point I almost can't watch it. Not because it is ridiculous or stupid. Because I think LC might have a mustache problem and that really bothers me. Bleach it! Wax it! Do something, my God!

6) Brit Brit is going to be in Dallas in March and Tracy and I have decided we are going. If she adds a Tulsa date, even better. You are invited to join us if and ONLY if you can truly appreciate all the glory that is Brit Brit.

I need to escape reality for a bit...

Biggest Loser - Why is Vicki still around?!?! They keep teasing that America is going to get to vote for the person to go home next. If that is the case and I find out anyone I know voted for anyone except Vicki to go home, I am not going to be your friend. Amy should have gotten rid of her when she had the chance, and all it got her was sent home.
Dirty Sexy Money - First let me say that I am truly hurt that another one of my shows is getting canceled. I call BS. Moving on... Is Nick's marriage really over?? I think he is kind of a douche bag, but still. And is Trip trying to out him? So he will be out a job and a marriage? Maybe it is just a ploy to get Nick and Karen together. And I still haven't exactly figured out what Nola is up to. I know she is working for Simon, but Simon basically has what he wants now, so what is he up to? And they are going to leave way too much hanging when they cancel the show. That really annoys me. What annoys me also is when they spend 90% of the season tying up loose ends. Who wants to watch that?
Brothers and Sisters - Starting to annoy me lately. Its borderline Brady Bunch at this point.
Desperate Housewives - I love that the writers came back from the strike and said "screw it, we write for a ridiculous soap opera, lets just make it as ridiculous as possible. No one takes this show serious, why should we!?" It gets crazier and more stupid by the hour. Also, I love that they are slowly making Gabby not ugly anymore, but what are they going to do about those hideous kids?! How much does it suck as parents to realize that your kid is cast as the fat ugly kid on a show of beautiful people? And about this Dave character. He is super creepy and I am ready for everyone else to figure it out. How has no one recognized him from the neighborhood 5 years ago!? Also, leave Porter alone!
30 Rock I love you and am so glad you are back! I wonder how much of it is true to SNL. But, I still miss Sunset Strip or whatever that show was called. Why couldn't we have both. Another example of them canceling my shows.
Private Practice - Who knew Addison was a trustfund baby!? I don't like the new doctor/girlfriend person. It's time for her to leave. Dell is stating to annoy me as well. How is it that the 2 people in a semi-functional relationship are Addison and Cooper.
Graces Anatomy Until you get rid of that stupid Denny ghost, I refuse to like you. And quit making me cry!
Well, that has cheered me up and taken my mind off of the real world for 10 minutes. Hope it did the same for you.

Thanksgiving Song

Think back... When was the last time you really appreciated something Adam Sandler did? Remember when he was funny?! I am just old enough to remember him when he was funny. For those of you who don't, you are welcome.

Thanksgiving...

As most of you know, I am not a fan of Thanksgiving. I am also aware that most people think this is a sin. I am not sure why I don't really like Thanksgiving, but I don't. Maybe it is because mass amounts of food disgust me and a holiday centered around mass eating is disturbing. Maybe it is because it gets everyone's expectations about "what Thanksgiving is supposed to look like" and it never turns out like that, so you are always let down. Maybe it is because I don't really like alot of the food (which isn't exactly true - I really only dislike sweet potatoes and gravy). Maybe because I am the product of divorce and Holiday Season typically equals families fighting over who I spent more time with - that time was then spent complaining about either not getting to spend enough time with me the next/last holiday or the family members who didn't come. Can't you just appreciate the time and people who made the effort?!
I am going to change my view this year. Being married and getting another set of family and thinking about starting my own has made me decide to do this. Thanksgiving will no longer be something I dread for weeks. It is now just a 4 day weekend I get to spend seeing family I haven't seen in a long time and have a big meal. Last holiday in Memphis I made pumpkin pie (Matt is a convert and loves it). This year I am trying Oreo balls. They are not exactly festive, but this is just a long holiday with a big meal, right?
This is how I plan to cope with Thanksgiving this year:
1) Matt and I are taking our Wii so we can play with his parents (they really like games) and see if they like it. (We are considering it as a gift for them)
2) Ivory and Matt are taking me on a Harley ride to Ivory's sisters house to ride horses. So I'll be riding hogs and horses this year!
3) I may cook. Matt's mom makes these potato things that he loves that I am going to try to learn. We will see how it turns out.
4) Shop. Matt's Mom works at Macy's and gets a spectacular discount.
5) Play with babies and pregnant Kelly. The nelson's babies are turning 1 and 2 shortly after we are there, and are expecting baby trey nelson in the Spring. I like preggers Kelly :)

Now, you may ask, what am I going to do about the hand holding, sob fest that is Matt's family Thanksgiving who can make the others cry the most circle of giving thanks. That is pretty hard to chalk up to a 4 day family weekend. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I am going to spend the 6 hour drive writing a speech that will make them cry just remembering it.

Happy Turkey Day!

Another Episode of "Really? Really?"

So it is no big secret that I think celebrity's are being a little nutso when it comes to baby names. I guess they are just assuming that their kid will be cool and find since they are the child of a celebrity. NO! That means they are open to all kinds of ridicule, including mine. Apple, Rumor, Pilot - all stupid.

Newest Low: Ashley Simpson has named her new son Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Seriously? I am assuming the naming process was a combination of maps, disney characters, and I am pretty sure there was probably a fast food menu involved in the list. Take a hit (I am also pretty sure drugs were involved), throw a dart each, and wherever it lands, thats what we name him. And thus Bronx Mowgli was born.

Other popular names include: Harlem Baloo, Queens Shere Khan, Manhattan Ariel. Please, feel free to send your other suggestions.

Really Ashely and Pete? You really named your son Bronx Mowgli?!? Are you mad because you have normal names, or just even names? I mean, you got NAMES! Look them up in a baby book. Ashley and Pete are there. I am almost positive that Bronx is not (and a NYC subway map does not count as a baby name book).

Really?!

An Oldie but A Goodie

Something to get you over the hump

Sometimes, I just want to laugh at stupid things. This is stupid and I laughed. Enjoy. Happy Hump Day!

I am Awesome - No Matter What You Say

Blaze and I chaperoned Semi-Formal this weekend, and I would like to note several things of interest:
1) Blaze and I are bad-asses!
2) I am a chaperon, not retarded - I know the difference between not feeling good, sober, and drunk. I have been all 3 and have learned to spot the difference.
3) Dante the security guard is also awesome. I feel he should be my personal security guard. No one talks to me with out first clearing it through Dante.
4) Prom shoes from the 90s are inappropriate. Basically, most everything from the 90s is inappropriate. And there were some sisters failing sisters who should have spotted the 90s shoes and said "here honey, these will work better."
4) Please learn to dress for you body type and size. If you question it, ask. And if someone, especially a sister asks you, be honest. You look just as stupid for letting your friend go out dressed the fool as she does dressed the fool.
5) Remember the bridesmaids dress I wore in Blazes wedding? Well one of the "sober, not feeling well" girls WORE IT!! Same color and everything! Only this had a layer of toile underneath and peaking out. Thanks Blaze for not making us wear that option!
All and all, it was fun. I realize I am old, but still spectacular.

Also in exciting Rachel news - Matt and I bought our Christmas present early and brought our new Wii home yesterday. I am not very good yet, but have no fears that I will be practicing lots. I do however, kick Wii Bowling's ass!

In other news, my sad pink razor took a beer bath at Tiny's this weekend and is in a sad state. She seems to have mostly recovered. Saturday she was having issues dialing 3,4, and the volume button while I tried to do anything. That seems to be fixed, but I can still no longer use the 9 button. So if your number includes the number 9 and I dont have it programed in my phone, I will not be calling you. Sorry. It also affects my text messages, so if you get a weird word, add the letters that are on the 9 button and see if it makes sense. I may be getting a blackberry or iphone for x-mas. Any suggestions?

Flowers

**Warning: wedded bliss alert **

You know what I love? Flowers for nothing :) Matt sent me flowers today, just because. Flowers just because are my favorite. They are a fall mix - did I mention that I love the fall? I do :) When I get home, I will take a picture and post it for all to enjoy.

Happy Friday! I will be attending Duane and Phrough's Battle of the Rock Bands. Matt and I are going as groupies so we can drink and make fun of everyone without repercussions. Pretty excited about it.

Did I mention that we are not going out of town this weekend and no one is coming in? Its true! I am so excited! I don't know what I am going to do with myself.

Blue/Lavnedar Bridesmaids dress - $150, plus $60 last minute alterations
Hotel Room - $250
Car Rental - $200 split 3 ways
Seeing one of your best friends marry their soul mate - Priceless
Spending a total of 77 hours (about 20 of them in a minivan) with your husband, and 2 of your favorite couples - HILARIOUS!!!

Emily and Todd got married this weekend in Austin. It was nothing short of awesome. The weather was perfect, Austin is ridiculous, Emily was one of the best brides ever (and possibly one of the more beautiful), and I don't think I was sober until about 2 hours into the car ride home. Spectacular. It was a great ending to the longest wedding season ever. I can't think of a better way to end it.

My liver is so excited it is November. I am excited I survived the past 6 weeks.

Thanks to everyone who shared in the craziness with me! I never thought I would make it through with my liver intact, my wallet not completely empty and without me or someone close to me having a run in with the law. Nothing short of amazing. I only wish I could remember it all to share with you guys. If only I had my show, it would all be recorded. Seriously, this month would have given me enough material for an entire season and a highlights/lost footage show. So, when is the reunion show???

Follow Up

Matt and I finally got to watch the SNL from Saturday night last night. It reminded us of the conversation I was talking about earlier and I had to share. I promise, it was not a conversation Matt and I had - we actually had to call people who were there the next day to make sure that it did really happen.

Maybe this will clear up some of the confusion. This is for you; you know who you are!

Called Out

So I have been called out for neglecting my blog again. Sorry! I told you that this month was going to be crazy.

This is my official request for a viewer response...
Sunday night, a bunch of friends from Arkansas came in town to go to the STP concert. The concert, by the way, was amazing. I don't normally go for rockers, but these old guys were hot. Anyway... The AFTER concert conversation is yet another example of why I need my own show. However, this episode may have been bleeped out too much. So much so, that I am nervous to write the best quotes. So, dear viewers, if you were there PLEASE comment on this post and share your favorites. In response to Duane, Hell no I would not cut that footage from my show! That would have been the best episode yet! It was Emmy material.

For those of you blessed enough to miss it, here is a recap:
Somehow, one of the couples in the car started talking about their sexual habits. I am not sure why, but they did. Apparently, she does not do some pretty nasty things he has boldly asked her to do. And I am not talking acts that no one really likes, but we all accept them as typical. I am talking nasty, gross, couldn't stop laughing that he actually talked about it in front of other people.

Things I learned about Bald and Beauty** (names changed to protect them from being pointed and laughed at anymore than they already have been and will continue to be by those of us who were there.) Beauty is a spitter, against the will of Bald. Bald wants some dirty things done to him that no wife should have to do. Bald might be gay. Beauty is much too willing to tell friends about their life in general. Some times we need to self edit... I did not know that it was possible to say "Paint" (replace the p with a T) so many times in a 15 minute time frame. Bald thinks "Paint" is the shit.
I have to say that, "Paint" is not so much the shit, as it just really is shit.


My "favorite" quote of the night from Bald: "If you haven't had your *** eaten, you are a homo." If that were true, I think most every guy on Earth is a homo. See, I am still embarassed to even write about this conversation!
Second "favorite" quote, and by favorite I mean it is burned in my ears: "Paint is the shit!"...

Joppy and Candace, this post is for you. :) Now give me your favorite quote from the night...

Would have gone unnoticed...

So, for the most part, I think we can all agree that SNL for the most part is 0% funny. If it weren't for Palin, no one would be watching it or talking about it. Case in point: Had this skit aired during a non-political season when we all watch to see how they are going to make fun of Palin and the election, no one would have noticed this. But it did. And so people are talking about it. Yeah, it is better than most of their non-political skits, but not worth everyone talking about it.

Watch and let me know what you think...

My Newest Love

So, I am officially a grown up and in love! As I have mentioned here before, I do not love this season of shoes and it upsets me. I haven't really been in love with any of the purses either, until now... I am a member of Gilt Group (however, it should really be Guilt Group!) and they send me daily emails of designer sales. Normally I just drool and never buy. Until today. Ladies and Gentleman, I am the new proud mama to a beautiful Cynthia Rowley handbag!!!



Now, the one I REALLY wanted, sold out in like the first 20 minutes of the sale. But I am over it. I am in love. I would like to thank my Dad and Grandmother for giving me my first Cynthia Rowley item... I think it is an amazing gift for a 25th birthday!

My apologies...

I realize I have been super lazy about blogging lately, and I apologize. This is a crazy month that never seems to end. Case in point:

Weekend 1: Arkansas Weekend. Florida game, Duane and Phro joined. Awesome drunken time. Favorite quote: "Listen, you have 3 kids, you play the trombone, and everybody needs one." Response: "Trombone? You could have atleast gone trumpet!" Nelsons wife: "What? why? You don't play either!"

Weekend 2: Joppy and Candace came in town for Lil Wayne concert and Widespread Panic concert. I had free tickets to Lil Wayne, turns out, I had a semi private suite to Lil Wayne, followed by joining Duane in the SMG private suite. A-Mazing. Panic - not my scene but a good time. Again, my liver suffered for the good of my fun. This weekend also included Arkansas beating Auburn and a million other football games.

Weekend 3: I will be missing Oktoberfest because my Mom and grandparents are coming to town (secretly, I am relieved for the sake of my liver and health). That is not to say this will be a relaxing weekend, but a sober one at the very least.

Weekend 4: Arkansas game (Ole Miss)and caravan back to T-Town for the Stone Temple Pilots concert - poor liver!

Weekend 5: Emily's Wedding in Austin. For any of you who have been to a wedding with Emily and I, it gets ugly fast. We are very bad influences on each other now... maybe it will be different since it is her wedding, but I doubt it.

Work:One of my main clients is launching a new web site this month, starting a new ad campaign, and I am redoing their media budget. Another is launching a complete new re-brand (we're talking logo, name, ads, EVERYTHING); and another is in a bizarre situation I wish I could explain.

So, for those of you who lost count, that is 1 wedding, 1 parent weekend, 3 weekends with overnight guests, 3 concerts, 2 games in Fayetteville, 1 company launch, and 0 hours of sleep for this kid. I am sure looking back, I will think it was nothing and wish for a month like this, but for now, I am exhausted and to top it off, I think I am sick. Kick ass, sea bass!

But on the plus side, new shows started and it gives me something to relax to during the week. Samantha Who started last night and it makes me smile :)

Hello Benjamin

Favorite pair of shoes? Oh, so many…That could be the hardest question you have asked yet. I have 2 I guess. 1 is a Nine West sling back with a spring paisley pattern. I am obsessed with them. (white, pink, green, blue, yellow – how could I not love them!) I also have a pair of gold and bronze patterned BCBG that Matt gave me as a surprise a few years ago. Also obsessed with those… I need a new shoe crush, but I hate all the new shoes the past few seasons! Favorite quote regarding my shoes: Blaze hinted to her husband that Matt gives me shoes as presents to which he responded “that is like giving Crack to an addict.”

Favorite Shot? I don’t really do shots anymore, but when I do, I usually go Red Headed Slut, and sometimes Sex on the Beach, because I think it is funny to say.

What toppings do you like on your pizza? Pepperoni, pineapple, onion, green pepper, mushroom, and if they have it, mandarin oranges, and sometimes I throw in sausage. In fact, that is almost the exact pizza I made last night. Now I am hungry and want pizza.

How do you deal with stress? I don’t realize I am stressed until I explode. I just push throw and don’t think about it usually.

Favorite Fruit? Raspberries, hands down. Peaches are a distant second

Who was your best friend your freshman year in high school? Are you still friends? Jennifer Millay. Does facebook friends still count? HAHA! We go out the 1 or 2 times I go home every year, but haven’t stayed super close.

**Benji - I recommend Jessica Simpson's fall/winter collection [yea, I know... Jessica Simpson...?! but seriously, it's nice.] Peep out the Donora... If you don't mind a 4in+ heel. AND my favorite the Mowin! Yea, the BCBG footwear collection sucks this season, I've seen a couple hot items, but I think they were lagging around from last spring.

Hello Benjamin

Top 3 favorite designers?
Tough…. I’ll give you my top 3 labels right now. BCBG, Rachel Roy, Vera Wang. My favorite designers of all time: Tom Ford for Gucci, Vera Wang – no one else really registers as FAVORITE as those 2.

Last good advice someone gave you?
They didn’t give it to me directly but it is from the new book by Mitch Album For One More Day. It was “love yourself, love your spouse, and most importantly, love your marriage. There will be days when you may not like your spouse, and it will have to be your love of your marriage that gets you through those times.” I think it is true for any relationship, but especially for marriages. It made me really think about all my relationships. I have come to the realization that I don’t have to keep every relationship that I have. So many times I have been mad at someone and realized I don’t actually like them, but keep the relationship. If I don’t like the person 90% of the time, and I don’t like the relationship, I need to either work on changing the relationship, my perspective of the person, or just cut out the relationship. Life changing…

What’s the capital of Denmark?
Don’t look it up you cheater!
I don’t freakin know the capital of denmark! Butt face!

Its My Birthday Week!

I like birthdays. Alot. Probably too much. I think they are the most important celebration for each person. I also think mine should be a national holiday. I also celebrate my birthday month, and expect all others to respect and celebrate my birthday week. My actual birthday - sacred. This one is off to a strangely awesome start.

1) I got free tickets to Rascal Flatts / Taylor Swift. Blaze and I went with Jinni and Boots from work. Awesome. Apparently 3 beers at the BOK Center is enough to get this kid drunk. Matt crowned it off for me by driving my drunk ass to T Bell at 12. Amazing. I don't think it has ever been that good. Also, I have decided that my calling is to play violin for a county band. Duane is working on getting me a mentor (I asked for the fiddler in Rascal Flatts, I might have to settle for someone with Toby Keith). So, if you know any awesome fiddle teachers, send them my way. How hard do you think it is to teach a classically trained violinist the fiddle? Sounds pretty easy, right? Although, I am still bitter my text didn't make it on the big screen, but Blaze's did.
2) We had a Mexican fiesta at work for all the fall birthdays (we have 5 in 3 weeks - there are only 15 people in my office!). Ted's delivered delicious food and we made margaritas. Delicious! I am basically against me working on my Birthday Eve, so it is working out well.
3) I think I am going to go out with Duane and Blaze tonight to party like its 1999. All are invited. If you have ideas where we should go, text me. I am drawing blanks and not super motivated yet. Change it, damn it!
4) Saturday is super busy. Emily, one of my favorite people, is in town and we have a breakfast date. Super excited! Mandy gets married at 2 and I can't wait! Then, this is where it gets dicey. The reception is at 7. Kappa receptions are always amazing because we are ridiculously drunk inappropriate dancing fools. And her husband owns a brewery. So thats amazing! BUT!!! Boyz II Men is playing at the fair at 8. So this is what I am thinking... Concert and then reception and then after party. My goal is to get on stage and dance with them to Motown Philly. It must happen! Why do I have to choose?!
5) Sunday. I have to go to the kappa house to learn how to be the social advisor. That makes me laugh!!! The social advisor is going to training HUNG OVER. And its me! i have to chaperon stuff. Hilarious!

Favorite quote of the birthday week:
Blaze replying to my thought about Kidd Rock "I love him. Seriously. I really love him. I want to go see him! He is like the dirty bad boy you do in college and never tell anyone about" Then she gave the name of a seriously dirty guy from college, but claims she didnt. I don't know what to believe anymore.

McCain's Brain

This is hilarious. Favorite quote: "Trollup, filthy trollup" Why don't we call people filthy trollups anymore? New goal - bring back filthy trollups.

Call for Entries...

So as most of you know, I want to write a book with Blaze about do's and don'ts for mother-in-laws. An idiots guide, if you will. If you have a great story about something horrible or great that your mom or MIL did when you were engaged, wedding planning, at the wedding, or now that you are married, I would love to have them. No fears, I will change names. Please email them to me at rachel_adams07@yahoo.com and don't post them here. Otherwise everyone will see the stories that will be in our book. And please, send on the request to your friends. Thanks!

Now for my new request... I am thinking about making a cook book for 20-somethings. We are new to the cooking scene, and most likely on a budget, and some of us are just getting used to cooking for more than just us on a regular basis. As I have found, not all recipes are 20-something friendly. So if you have ANYTHING that you have found that you can cook or make or throw together on a regular basis and that you like, please send it my way. Feel free to send a side story or tips or where you found it or variations or any other comments, pictures even! I am thinking about putting it together and then making it so you guys can buy it online. Again, please send it to me at rachel_adams07@yahoo.com. And let me know how easy or difficult it is. I am devising a fun ranking system! :)

Hillary and Palin - Together at Last

You have to see this. Hilarious! (and also the ONLY funny skit from SNL season premiere)

I am too old to be cool...

Even in college I was proud and impressed with myself if I made it out 3 nights in a week. Now that I am old and admittedly not as cool as I once was, I am super proud of Matt and myself, and also a little bit exhausted.
Thursday - Tour and tasting of Marshall Brewery, followed by dinner at McNellies. Fun and exciting. If you haven't tried Marshall beer, do yourself a favor! I didn't party too hard, but still. I was out, there was beer, it was late.
Friday - Duane's gallery opening. Matt and I met some people from work at Dirty's before hand, and then drank trashcan beer, and then went to Tiny's. It was a good show and a good time. This time I did partake a bit more than usual and felt awesome the next day.
Saturday - Kappa Wedding. Once again, Blaze, Kelly, Tracy and I think we have our own dance crew and stay later than we should. Whatever. Also, sidenote: if you are a wedding DJ, have either internet access so you can download songs, or have some EFFing BoyZ II Men. That is unacceptable! The wedding was followed by Crawpappys. I mad the bouncer feel bad because I didn't have my ID and he made me go home a get it (at midnight in the Ike rain!). So when I cam back drenched and clearly old enough to drink, I bitched at him and I feel good about it. I also think I might have told Trevor that Kelly will move to Coweta with him if he buys me a horse. I will name him LeRoy. Kelly, I am sorry that you have to live in Coweta, but I will come visit you and LeRoy regularly.

Needless to say, Sunday was a complete waste of a day. We did not go to the gym. We did not clean the house. We instead laid around, went to T Bell in our pajamas at 3:30 and got busted by our neighbors doing so, and then continued to lay around until we went to bed. I am cool, but not that cool.

I cheated... and I liked it

I am sure I am not alone when I say this: My longest relationship other than my husband is with my hair stylist. I have been with her, about as long as I have been with Matt. She did my hair for graduation, my first job, my wedding, one of my best friend's wedding; she tells me about her baby and love life and I tell her about Matt and we talk about baby fever. We have been through alot together. But I have not been in love with my hair lately... So I cheated! And I think I might have a crush!

I am sorry, and I know I should feel guilty, but I don't. It is closer, a better cut and color, and she is cheaper! I would tell you who it is, but I don't want you to steal her :) So I will just tell you that Reed Johnson is great and I love my new person! Thank you to Matt for introducing me (yes, my husband recommended my new stylist!) and Blaze for giving me the courage to cheat.

She's Back, Baby!

As most of you know, I am a big Britney supporter. BIG. Always have been, always will be. I am like a mullet wearer in that sense. I know it is out of style and I rock it anyway. Last night was nothing short of amazing. For those of you who didn't see it: Britney opened the VMAs last night. Below is a collection of my thoughts for the night.

1) Britney is crazy - crazy like a fox! America loves a comeback!
2) Who is Russel Brand and why is he hosting. The few minutes I watched of the show were of him making jokes, pan to the audience, no one laughing. Awkward.
3) Speaking of the audience. Where was everyone?? I think MAYBE 3000 people were there, and I am not sure that they weren't in the auditorium of Beverly Hills High.
4) Why are there still VMA awards? MTV doesn't even play videos anymore
5) Kudos to MTV for giving away awards based on who will get talked about the most. Example: Britney Spears got all 3 awards she was nominated for, and once again, Kanye West left empty handed. I think this is hilarious!
6) Britney needs to re-learn how to hold a microphone when speaking to a crowd and fake enthusiasm. Reading a teleprompter is hard, people!
7) Depending on which sites you are reading, everyone has a different opinion of how she did. Some think she was awful; some think she was amazing; some are happy she is on the road to success.

My final thought: She thanked lots of people, fans, family, blah blah blah... MTV - where was your thanks to MTV? Let's be honest - MTV has been trying to keep her relevant because she is one of the few things keeping them relevant. It is a co-dependent relationship.

Welcome back, Brit Brit!!

Gallery Opening

Get excited! It is actually happening. Duane, friend and creator of Hello Benjamin, is opening his Left Field Project gallery. I am excited for him and about it. I am even more excited that soon he will also be selling one of a kind merchandise and clothes. Check it out. Why? 1) Becuase he is entertaining and it should be a good show 2) What else do you have to do? 3)I am going to be there.

Episode 6

What are Benjamin’s thoughts on the Olympics?
I love them the 1st week – diving, gymnastics, swimming, volleyball – LOVE it! Now, I am about over it and ready for TV again. My attention span is too short for 2 weeks of this. You know what, I don’t feel guilty about it either. I am just saying what everyone else is thinking!

What are you like at your worst?
An absolute biotch. I rant; I yell; I pace; I speak before thinking; I have to stop myself from hitting; and I hold a grudge. Sometimes I work myself up so much I cry out of anger. It is not a pretty sight. Thankfully, I have gotten pretty good at feeling it come on and can control it. Then sometimes it just sneaks up on my and I let it rip. The worst part – I very rarely feel guilty about it and will continue to hold a grudge. I say again, Matt is a strong, patient, loving man.

Dogs or Cats? Why?
Dogs, for several reasons... 1) I like to play with them and cats don’t really like to play. 2) They are the most loving, loyal creatures in the world. 3) I am allergic to cats. 4) I like being needed – cats are too damn independent.

Who are you voting for?
As of right now, I am voting for Obama – the lesser of 2 evils. I was a Hillary person and remain unconvinced that Obama is the saving grace everyone is making him out to be. We are really only setting him up for failure – no one can do all and be all that he is being made into. A part of me is still considering McCain. I figure he can’t screw things up more than they already are, and he is so old there is no way he is going to be re-elected. Maybe he will just go in, not worry about getting re-elected, and set some things straight – worry free. The main thing I don’t like about McCain, other than he is ancient and I don’t know how I feel about a President who puts ABBA in their favorite songs category and doesn’t know how to email, is that I don’t feel like he is very honest. I am not sure why I think that, but there is just something about him that I don’t feel is very truthful – like he is hiding something or just telling you what you want to hear. I think I may do a write in vote and vote for myself or Paris. “See you at the debates, bitches!”

Olympic Hopeful

Continuing in my new tradition of posting funny videos, I present you with "Olympic Hopeful". I literally laughed out loud, tears rolling down my face, at work. If the Olympics were like this, I would never get sick of them. Enjoy.

Funny!

Apparently instead of blogging, I am just going to post videos. They are so funny - I can't help it!

My New Favorite Blog

Some amazing sites my co-workers sent me... Hilarious and time consuming.
Jackie:
White People

Jake:
Barack Obama is our new Savior
(the creator got so mad at people making him out to be everything and anything, he made this, and I think it is amazing)

Jake again:
Educated Black People

And the winner is...
Tina:
Black People Love Us!


Happy Tuesday!

What we spend our time doing at work...

Duane, creator of Hello Benjamin, hosts a WTW (white trash weekend) at his brothers house in BA. One of our client's is friends with his brother, and of course attended. Not only did she attended, she "particifucked". Because Jake couldn't leave well enough alone, he decided to humiliate her. And make this video at work. I had to share.

I need your help please!

Funny 80’s photo needed

I am working on an ad (see attached) and I need an authentic 80’s photo. The ad is going to be in Tulsa area publications. We need a high resolution photo so you would need to send us a scan. If you have a good photo we will make you famous… or at least infamous. The ad will not feature your real name unless you want it to and it can be male or female, individual or group. If you think you have a good photo let me know.

Quote of the Day

Cecily Nobler (Edge Celebrity Gossip call-in lady) "I don't really know why, but this year the Olympics are rockin my freakin soul." Ditto Porter!

Episode 5

Which bear is best?
First thought is Koala, but I feel like maybe it isn’t a bear. So my next thought is Panda, but again, I feel like it is named wrong. Black Bear. I know for certain it is a bear and so I will go with Black Bear. In all honesty, I am not a bear fan. Call me crazy… They are big, hungry animals and frankly, I hope I never see one in the wild. I am not going to go as far as Steven Colbert and put them on my Dead to Me list, but they definitely have potential to make the list should I ever see one in person.

Worst pick up line you have ever heard? And, best?
Worst – someone actually came up to my friend at a bar and seriously tried the “are you rlegs tired, because they have been running through my mind all night” line. And yes, we did call him out on both using a generic line, and getting it wrong. The best line I have ever heard… the guy just casually said “You are looking particularly enchanting tonight.” And then just walked off. Immediately, I was intrigued! He didn’t try and stay and annoy me and follow through. Very nice... Had I not been married, I would have sent him a thank you drink.

What do you think of quantum physics?
I think I am proud of myself for being able to announce quantum. I think quantum physics and I have a lot in common, actually. Our energy is not continuous, but small discrete units (my energy is probably not ALWAYS discreet), my our movements are inherently random. Bet you thought that would throw me, didn’t ya!? Wikipedia is an amazing thing.

Favorite children’s book?
Anything Dr. Suess. I think I will have to go with Red Fish, Blue Fish.

We watched the most recent Brittany Spears eTHS this weekend. It was pretty awesome, what do you think of Brittany Spears? What could she have done “better” over the last 3 years?
That is a silly question. I think you know all to well, that I am a die hard Brit Brit fan. Yes she went crazy, no she isn’t the best singer, or mother, or person. I don’t care. There is a special place in my heart for Britany – damn the consequences! What could she have done better over the past 3 years? Are you kidding me?!? Yes, she went crazy… but she stayed in the media and relevant for 3 years with out releasing a major album or touring. She got on the VMA awards (albeit, she bombed), and now is nominated for a VMA this year – for an admittedly bad video. Crazy like a fox! America loves a comeback, and she is about to make one heck of a comeback. It was the road less traveled, but she is back, baby!

I have to share...

No words...

Things We Learned Last Night...

1. People from Canada are funny and also enjoy a good mullet from time to time.
2. If you take a picture of the mullet family, Blaze and I are going to call you out on it.
3. ALWAYS have your camera with you. The one time you don't,you will be sitting in front of a family of mullets (Dad, 2 sons, daughter and baby) AND a man dressed as Mario, as in the Mario Brothers, will be there. He even had a ? box that he jumped up to hit and a mushroom came out. I swear, I was not on mushrooms...
   
4. Rock Steady is not a good song to volunteer to karaoke to, especially as a duet.
   
5. You should not do karaoke, especially if you don't know the song.
6. Blaze and I are not cool, nor can we hang. However, I now know that I have a medical excuse.
   
7. Gallbladders make you sick, and don't like it when you eat pizza and hotdogs in one day. In fact, it makes them angry and they attack you.
   
8. Drillers games might be the best people watching experience ever.
   

Some Random Things I Need to Get off My Chest...

1. I think it is both hilarious and awesome about Brett Favre. He is so awesome he turned down $20 million to NOT play football. And now he is going to be playing for the Jets. The only reason that excites me is because I am a Jets fan. Why you ask? Because now that is who Bret plays for? No, that just gives me another reason (however I am still a Packers fan). Justin Miller plays for the Jets and we went to high school together. So I am a Jets fan because of Justin and now he gets to play with Bret! Lucky!!
2. I have 2 new favorite phrases from Project Runway: Holler at your boy. (I could have cared less about this phrase until Tim Gunn said it, and now I think it is hilarious. When I hear it, now I hear his voice saying it and I can't help but laugh) and Tanorexic, as in Blayne is literally having a mental breakdown because he hasn't been tanning in a week.
3. Paris Hilton saying "see you at the debate, bitches" might be the best thing she has ever done. That and suggest that she might paint the white house pink.
4. There was nothing on last night and I watched Greatest American Dog. I like it because it proves that I am not the craziest person in the world, and somehow, some people are more obsessed with their dogs than me. However, I am not convinced that the contestants are more crazy than the judges. I am pretty sure the judges and host are COMPLETELY off their rocker. Do yourself a favor and watch it for about 5 minutes. You won't be able to look away.

When I started this, I had 5 things I wanted to share with the group, but now I can't think of the last. Stay tuned... I am sure I will think of it later

Quote of the Day

This from my Creative Director at work: "If stupid people could fly, we would never see the sun."

So true!

Lets Get Political for a Minute

Background Info: Obama did an interview with Us Weekly (I believe) and has been on the cover twice. McCain started running an ad that says he has celebrity status, but he isn't ready to lead, and shows images of Brittany and Paris, i.e. "Obama is a flake".

Here is my take - As an educated voter, I am not a fan of Obama doing interviews with what are basically glorified tabloids. I feel he is risking cheapening his personal brand. That being said, I also think it is brilliant and am not surprised he did it. Let me tell you why from a political marketing point of view.
Obama's main supporters are young people. Historically, young people are not interested in politics and do not typically vote. He is also courting the lower/working middle class. That is the only way he will win, is if he wins their vote. He didn't do very well with them in the primaries because they all voted for Hillary. He is courting her supporters without using her name so he doesn't have to make her his running mate.
Who reads these tabloids? Young people and lower/working middle class. He is getting his name and family in front of them and saying "I am like you and I understand you". AND he didn't have to spend any of his gazillion campaign dollars to do it!

Obama is not the first politician to court the young vote. Clinton did an open interview with MTV viewers for Rock the Vote. (Does no one remember "I did not inhale" or the boxer or brief question?) Gore campaigned for the Rock the Vote as well. Obama is merely courting the young vote and the middle class vote too.

Do I think it is risky? Oh yeah! It could have definitely blown up in his face. If McCain was smart, he would run youth and middle class focused ads as well. But he is too busy complaining to the people who have already decided to vote for him instead of working on building his base.

Do I think it was smart? So far. Let's just hope his campaign marketers don't get too brave and think they are untouchable. This is about as far as I hope it goes. Otherwise Obama is going to cheapen his brand they have so meticulously crafted.

On a side note - I also agree that it was strange that he went on a European tour. He needed to go to Iraq and Afghanistan to be able to get McCain off his back about not knowing what is going on over there first hand. But a European Tour before you have even been officially deemed the candidate at the DNC party is a little pompous. What do you guys think?

A case of the Mondays

"Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays" is probably the only sentence that suits me right now. I used to just think it was a semi-funny, kinda annoying line from a movie. But, now I realize, I officially have a case of the Mondays.
Mornings are never easy for me. Either are Mondays. But Monday mornings are especially hard for me. I don't think I am unique in this either. Who really likes Monday mornings???
I have been trying to think up a replacement or cure for Monday mornings, and I think I have found it. Let me know what you think...
Monday mornings, we should all agree to just read our emails, not respond, get caught up from the weekend, and not speak. No big meetings or events should start on a Monday, especially in the morning. Nothing should be due. We don't speak unless to tell a funny story. Most importantly, we realize that as pissed of as you are that it is Monday morning, don't be an a*s to people. They are just as pissed as you and it is going to make every situation worse.
If you are a boss, you should try to surprise your employees every now and then on Monday mornings. Send the office flowers, bring in breakfast, give us an early lunch, have lunch brought in, have a movie Monday and rent a stupid movie and let us watch it while we work, buy a new CD for the office, send us itunes credits, send us a "thanks" email.

Everyone has a case of the Mondays - lets just try to get through it the best we can.

Hello Benjamin 4.2

Favorite sport?
To play? Volleyball To watch? Football (college or pro)

Last time you cried?
So we’re gonna get personal, huh??? I think the last time I cried was when I got really sick and couldn’t stop throwing up and the doctor gave me a shot so I would stop puking… I think the fear of the shot was worse than anything!!! I am not scared of needles, I just don’t like shots! And then I cried again when the medicine they gave me made me sicker than I was before I started taking the medicine. So what we have learned about Rachel today is that I cry when I am sick.

What would people be surprised to learn about you?
Other than I am a sick crybaby??? Um… I am shy. Shocking, right??? It’s true. I have to fight it a lot.

How many times have you been in love?
How many times have I ACTUALLY been in love? Just once. How many times did I think I was in love? Um… 3. Everytime you think you are in love and then it ends and then you find someone else, you realize – I love this person more than the last person, guess I wasn’t really in love. If you can move on from it with out going through total depression first, you probably weren’t in love.

6 Quirky Things About Me

1. I have watched Law and Order enough that I can typically tell you who did it and why with in 5 minutes of watching an episode, no matter how far in it is. And even then, I will almost always still watch it.
2. When I see shoes or clothes that I love in a store, I pet them. I am not sure why, but I realized not too long ago, that I always do it. I am ok with it now.
3. Whether it is true or not, I credit myself with bringing the word "ridunkulous" into popular vernacular. And by popular, I mean they used it on ESPN's Mike and Mike in the Morning and they were not talking about basketball.
4. I prefer the ocean over the beach because I hate sand. It is probably on my top 5 least favorite things.
5. Most of the foods I dislike and don't eat, I do so because I don't like the texture and not because of the taste.
6. I can't stand to have my nose touched. I personally can blow my nose, but anyone else touching my nose for any reason whatsoever and I just meltdown. I cannot explain it, just don't do it.

I tag Matt (you can put yours in my comments page since you refuse to admit you want a blog!), Duane, and Casey - I know you read this and I think it's funny!

Hello Benjamin Episode #4

What is your sign?
Libra – the scales. My mom thinks it is prefect because I can always see both sides of things and weigh every decision carefully before I make a decision. Lets just be honest, I can be indecisive.

Which kid were you in High school?
I was a hodgepodge, I was the smart/kinda popular kid but I also played volleyball and the violin… so who knows which kid I was in high school! I know I am not the kid who misses high school though! That is for sure!!!

Let’s pretend you are stranded on an island. You are going to be stuck there for 2 years. You can only bring 2 people with you, who would you bring? You can only bring 4 “things” with you, what would they be? Why? Every year the people who put you on the island would send you 2 celebrities to entertain you for 2 days, who would you want to come visit? You have lots of lame ass agricultural type food available to you, but every once in a while, the people who put you on the island would deliver a precooked meal for you, this meal would be the same meal every time, what would you request?
Um, I that is a hard question! Obviously Matt, that is a no brainer. I think my other person would be either Tracy or Blaze or Emily or Kelly. They are all pretty entertaining, and if I am going to be stuck with them for a long time, they better entertain me. Emily! She is a girl scout and would be very handy on the island and not complain about it… Matt and Emily – that’s who I am taking. What I would bring… Bleu and Lola, my dogs. Assuming I have all the basic necessities (food, shelter, bathroom)… my ipod (yes, they do have power to recharged it on my island! This is not Castaway!) and my camera. I want to be able to show everybody the crazy island shenanigans when I get off this freaking island!!! The celebrities I want for 2 days a year 1) Obviously Kathy Griffin! She would just catch me up on all the gossip I have missed and take my stories back to you guys to share so we can all stay updated. I think the other one would be Michael Jordan. Matt really likes him, and he is stuck on a deserted island with 2 girls. I think he could use seeing another guy and talking sports. Matt may pick some other athlete or sports announcer, so really MJ is just a place holder. McDonalds Quarter Pounder with Cheese with fries and a Dr. Pepper, with a side of chicken nuggets!!! If I am eating super healthy organic crap, I want to splurge on junk. And what is better than McDonalds?!?!?

part 2 of this interview coming Monday! Stay tuned. And also, we really love the photo for this episode.

Grown Up

I have recently decided that I don't want to be a grown up. But then I started thinking about it, and I don't want to be a kid again either. For instance:

1. I like to be able to drink alcohol legally
2. I don't miss having a "bed time"
3. I like having my own house
4. I don't miss being threatened to be grounded if I don't clean my room (Matt, don't get any ideas! you are my husband, and there fore cannot ground me.)
5. I miss coming home and someone has cooked for you and the house (with the exception of my room) is cleaned.
6. I love someone else paying the bills
7. I like being able to eat cookies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if I so choose.
8. I hate that if I do that, I now gain weight... boo!
9. I love having a sleepover with a boy every night!
10. And this is the most important, I hate working. Careers are so very overrated!

So what I have discovered, is that it isn't that I don't want to be a grown up anymore, its that I don't want to be a RESPONSIBLE grown up anymore. All those times I made fun of slackers, I apologize! I realize now that I was actually jealous... very, very jealous. Now I just have to figure out a way (other than winning the lottery because that hasn't been working so far) to be a slacker, but still have the money to afford the lifestyle I have become accustomed (or preferably a much better one.) Again, I ask you, why don't I have my own show?!

Dirty Diapers

My new car smells like dirty diaper. Hooked? Intrigued? I thought you would be! So here is why...
For the 4th of July weekend, Matt and I drove to Memphis to visit his parents. Matt's mom got a new car, so gave us her old one. It is SUPER old, but nice and I will with a happy face drive it because it is nicer than our other cars and hopefully will get us through this year so we can buy a new(er) hybid next year. The weekend was fun, apparently there are lots of mosquitoes and chiggers in Memphis because I literally am covered in bites. But it was fun.
Because we got a new car, Matt and I had to drive separately, and decided to separate the dogs as well. Since I got to drive our new car (hooray!) I had to ride with Bleu (boo!). Matt's stomach didn't feel too great, but he took some medicine and we decided to push through. We were about 45 minutes into the ride and Bleu started acting funny, so I figured he needed to go potty. So we stoped and walked the dogs and he doesn't really do anything. So we load them back up and hit the road.
About another hour and a half goes by and my stomach starts to feel bad. So we pull in at the next exit so I can go to the bathroom. We walk the dogs. No real business done. Matt and I decide it looks like it might rain, so we will eat lunch here and see if the rain passes while we eat.

We get back on the road and about 20 minutes back on the road, and it starts to pour. No big deal. Well then Bleu starts getting super super anxious... Whining, can't sit still, annoying. But what else is new? I just assume it is because it is raining and he can't see Matt's car. Can't sit still, can't sit still, whining, more whining.
Silence.
I think I smell something. I look in my rear view mirror and Bleu is literally taking the biggest dump I have ever seen in the back seat of my new car!! So I call Matt. The only thing that I can get to come out of my mouth is "shit! Shit in the back seat!!" I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this point. I think I start doing both, while dry heaving at the same time. Because it is raining, I can't really speed, or roll down my window. But we finally get to an exit (15 minutes later!) and there is NOTHING there.

We pulled over in someone's driveway, in the rain, in the mud, and tried to get as much of the shit out of the seat as possible. Then we both puked... Awesome. So we get back in the car to go to the next exit to find something to clean it more and take care of the smell. This exit is about another 10 minutes away. FINALLY we get there and I run to the bathroom and Matt walks Bleu. Still no business, but that is not surprising because it is all in the back seat of my car. So then Matt goes in to get something to clean the car and comes back with an air freshener and baby wipes.

Flash back to Ivory, Matt's dad, giving Bleu endless amounts of bar-b-q and ribs, and I say "Give him as much as you want, but I am sending you the cleaning bill when he shits in my car. HAHAH". I always thought I was psychic, but I had no idea I really and truly was!

Note for future reference - cleaning poop with baby wipes equals the smell of a dirty diaper.

So I drove the rest of the 3.5 hours back to Tulsa with a quiet dog (although I am pretty sure he was laughing to himself) in a new car that smells like dirty diaper.

Happy Birthday America!

Hello Benjamin Episode #3

In this week’s installment of “Hello Benjamin”, Rachel answers a handful of questions submitted by her dear friend Blaze. Blaze probably has one of the coolest names ever. Ever. I mean like seriously, that’s an awesome name.

What's your biggest pet peeve?
More than anything, chewing with your mouth open. There is nothing more disgusting in the world than hearing someone else smack on their food. Food is not something you should share with others once it has hit your lips. I don’t want to hear it, see it, know it exists outside your mouth.

How would you fix global warming?
That is a tough one… First, I would make all the people who drive hummers around town just to show people they are rich enough to own and drive a tank for no reason other than to show people they can – drive smart cars. (I am laughing imagining their face as they see their brand new car – said in the voice of the Price is Right announcer…) All the idiot teenagers who drive up and down a certain street in every city to show off the car their parents gave them – they should be forced to ride a banana seat bike 1 week for every mile they cruised up and down the street. I bet that ends that pretty quickly! All the politicians who are so busy trying to work to lower gas prices and stop global warming – and then take private jets back and forth between DC and where ever they are so busy going; they should have to fly commercial (and suffer the crazy ticket prices like the rest of us!), commute to work (again, laughing imagining all of our senators and congressmen waiting at the bus stop as the big yellow school bus pulls up and drops them off at Congress), and have to pay for the gas and utilities for an average constituent. I think that should give them incentive to find the funding to research a renewable non-earth killing energy source. And something has to be done about India and China – they are out of control! I will have to think about that some more. Look for part 2 to this question. – Coming Soon: Benjamin’s tips to fixing the world’s problems

If you had to kill one person in the world to save your own life who would it be?
Gosh, so many candidates.**Due to the sensitive nature revolving around the first candidate Rachel offered up, we have intervened and censored this portion of the interview – censorship rules!** Paris Hilton. That’s my answer. She is an idiot who does nothing and no one but TMZ would miss her. The funny thing is that TMZ doesn’t even really talk about her anymore… In a heartbeat. I would off Paris just to save myself. I am really doing a public service!

Since the world revolves around you, what makes the world go around?
Good question… I’ll tell you. My wit, charm, and good looks. And sugar – lots of caffeine and sugar.

Hello Benjamin Episode 2

And now...
As seen on duanefernandez.com

In this week’s feature of “Hello Benjamin”, we get down to some real hard hitting questions with Rachel. If you are a new visitor to duanefernandez.com last week we decided to start a new weekly feature titled “Hello Benjamin” – A look into the life and times of Rachel. Why Rachel? Because she is awesome and she appreciates the fact that I am ok with annihilating an entire species of animal to bring down gas prices. [Disclaimer, she may not share my point of view, but she appreciates it… * Tina does not appreciate it.]

What did you want to be when you were a kid?
I think I wanted to be a doctor, but then I realized I hate science and am also not good at it. I used to want to be a fashion designer… I drew a dress once that I found like 5 years later at Cache… I wore it to my Junior prom and still have it. Man – I should really start thinking about doing that instead!!! Also, I should learn to sew if I want to design again… Interesting…

Greatest accomplishment?
Um… Keeping myself alive for the past 25 years? I don’t like to hang my hat on “this one time, I did this one great thing.” I would rather live by being proud of the little things. I graduated from a private college with 2 majors in 4 years with 0 debt (ok, so that’s kinda big!) I make my dogs happy every day. I married my soulmate. I have awesome friends… and now… “Hello Benjamin” (said with a SPANISH accent!). Now, once I get my own show on Bravo or Mojo, all that goes down the drain…That will be my greatest accomplishment and how I define success and screw all the little people I have to step on to get there!! (followed by evil giggle)

How do you define success?
Personal success? I am happy with the outcome and didn’t have to hurt anyone in the process. I just can’t stand when people brag about accomplishments that they only got or did because they obliterated other people to get there. What’s funny – I want to be a lawyer?

1 of your top 3 favorite albums of all time…?
I can’t narrow it down to just one! Paul Simon, Graceland – snap decision. I am not a hippy, but I was raised by them..

Posted by Duane Fernandez at 1:19 PM 0 comments

Happy Anniversary!

Today is mine and Matt's 1st anniversary. :) I could not be happier! Can you believe it??? I for one can not! It is really strange that it feels like time flew and I can't believe its already been a full year, and at the exact same time, feel like I have been with him my whole life. ** Hold the gagging please... Its my anniversary and I can take this time to be as cheesey as I want. You can make fun of me tomorrow **
So, in the 1 year that we have been married, Matt changed jobs, and got a promotion, I got a promotion, we bought a house, 3 good friends got married, 3 more got engaged, and tons more are getting married in our 2nd year, 4 friends had babies, and 3 bought houses too. What a year for us and our friends!! I think this year, I would like to be pretty low key. That is a pretty big year! I think we are going to take this one slow. No big purchases (I say as I knock on wood - chances are, we are going to have to buy a new car this year), no big life changes... just smooth sailing hopefully! But, we are a pretty good team so I think we can handle it when something big comes our way :) We have so far!
Thanks for all your love and support and prayers. We appreciate and need them, and trust me, you guys are in ours as well :)
One final note - to my few remaining single friends... I heart you guys so much!!! I love our couple friends, but sometimes, we are boring!!! (you know it is true. I heard you think it to yourself!). Please continue to keep me entertained and do your thing! Everyone has their own path and I am loving seeing where each of ours goes :)

One Step Closer to My Show!

FINALLY!!! Someone else has recognized to amazingness that is me! About dang time people!!! Duane, a guy I work with at Cubic, has a blog as well. Unless you know Duane, most of the complete randomness doesn't make sense; but I do, so I find it entertaining. Duane has recently decided to add a weekly feature to his blog - an interview with yours truly :) Since I know that most of you won't click over there often enough to find it, I will cut and paste it here for you guys so you can enjoy it as well. I promise to cut and paste it exactly as it appears in his post :)

Today's Post:
I’m going to be adding a new feature to my blog. Here is some background on this new feature: Rachel is awesome. I work with Rachel. She keeps things moving smoothly at Cubic. She’s awesome like that. BUT more importantly, her awesomeness transcends her daily tasks at Cubic. She is by far one of the most blunt and honest people I have met. I love it. Last week I was chatting with Rachel and I decided that the rest of the world should have the opportunity to get to know Rachel like I have. SO, once a week I will be adding a new interview with her… It’s going to be awesome. The new feature will be titled: “Hello Benjamin” – I am not sure HOW I came up with that name, but… We’re running with it. For the first few weeks we will just be warming up..

“Hello Benjamin” – With Rachel
1. What is the worst fashion trend right now? I used to say tights, but I have succumb to that… So now I will say super short shorts with cuffs. Yuck! I am also not a fan of the gladiator sandals. Oh! I don’t like the emo super skinny jeans either, especially on boys, but they don’t look good on anyone!
2. Best fashion trend? Mini dresses with pockets, who doesn’t love a mini dress? Who doesn’t love pockets??
3. Three adjectives to describe yourself: Pink, entertaining, evolving
4. Best advice you have heard as of late? Keep your ear to the ground, your mind open, and heart full – My dad when I was having a down day.

Ladies and Gentlemen, We are Growing Up

So, Dave and Blaze signed on their house yesterday. Congrats!!!! It is so exciting! Glad to have you in the club :) They are going to be married, with a house (that they both live in!) and careers in no time! Its like they are grown ups or something.
Matt and I have our first and only weekend off since wedding season started. What are we doing??? Party? Mini vacay to somewhere we want to go? No, we are responsible adults and we are painting our bedroom and fixing the guest room ceiling fan. And I could not be more excited about it! However, we did finally float the keg from Dave and Blaze's stock the bar party.

Keeping up With Me

So, to all those people complaining that I don't blog enough, you are welcome :) I guess I should update everyone:
Eating frozen dinners does not happen very often, but not for lack of trying. I bring them to work alot; I just dont always eat them. I think that once we move (tomorrow!) and don't have so many close eating options, I will get back in the habit I never really formed. Hum...

TV Update - TV sucks, even with the writers back!!! I am pretty much over this TV season. I just don't care about any of the shows. I really feel that if a show is scripted and writers put in the time to think them out, then they should at a very minimum make some sense and not be painful to watch!!! I am just going to stick with reality tv - it may be dumb, but atleast the people are being themselves and dumb. Thats just funny! On the same note, if there can be a show about how things are made, the lives of midgets, a woman with 8 kids, numerous how to survive in the wild, etc, why is there not a show following me and my life?? I mean, honestly, this is good stuff! I am footing the bill for my life myself and it's pretty entertaining. Think how much more entertaining it would be if I had someone else paying for everything!!!

Back to work. More on this later

More Randomness (and some rantings)

I have decided that, as tasteless and boring as they are, I am going to bring frozen dinners to work for lunch. My New Year's resolutions (shocking and orginal) were to eat better, get in shape, and save more money. This may surprise you, as it did me, but eating at the delis downstairs everyday, some times 2x a day, is actually NOT helping me accomplish any of those goals. Weird right? I know!

Also weird, sympathy bad moods. I was in, I am not going to lie and call it great mood, but a non-existent, vanilla mood this morning. Then I talked to Blaze and she seemed not herself (I also call emailing talking... don't judge me!). So I read her blog... Apparently she is in a bad mood, even though she says she has no reason to be in a bad mood. Now I find myself not in a good mood, and what some might call, a bad mood. I think it is a sympathy bad mood. Is that possible? Weird? Creepy? I think all of the above qualify.

Spoiler Alert: Project Runway finale was last night. Least shocking finale since, um, ever: Christen wins. Maybe I am not as fashionable as I think. Maybe I can't stand to hear a whiny, gay, tiny person (notice i am NOT using the word man here) say something about how fabulous, or fierce (cringe) he and his designs are. Nor can I tolerate other people using it like it is a now acceptable term. Kuddos to Posh for keeping to Major instead of Fierce. I am not saying that the other designers were better, even though i liked more of their pieces... I think more I just didn't want him to win and have to hear about his fierceness...

Last thought for now... We have these new snack things in the kitchen. Even though I don't like spicey things, I tried one. I will refrain from using the name, because it is my understanding that some people like these. Here is my thought about them. They taste like BO smells. Even the aftertaste lingers like BO. I swear on everything holy, it tastes like you have licked the armpit of someone strongly opposed to bathing or wearing deodorant. Let me know if you figure out what I am talking about. And if you do, I apologize in advance.

Mother in Laws... Creatures from the Black Lagoon??

I have been thinking about Mother-In-Laws alot lately. Maybe it is because mine is in town visiting my not-so-new house anymore for the first time, or because it seems that no one, no matter how sane she was when the kids were dating, has a sane mother-in-law. Honestly, mine went nutso. I am not kidding! But going into all of that is an entirely different blog!

There are 2 other girls I work with who have crazy mother-in-laws, and it seems that they all have friends whose MIL are crazy too. I don't really understand how their kids deciding to get married makes them literally go insane. I am vowing here and now to try my darnedest NOT to go crazy when my kids get married. Because you are all reading this, it is now your job to remind me of this vow when I start to slip. Blaze and I have decided to write ourselves letters to read when we are older to remind ourselves what to do and what not to do.

Here are a few suggestions (learned from experience and stories others have told me):

1. Don't, under any circumstances, register or change the registry for your children. If they registered for it, there has to be a reason. And it doesn't matter why they want it, they do. If you don't agree with it, don't buy it for them! If they have made some horrible GRAVE mistake, you may mention it in passing that you were looking through the list to get some ideas what you wanted to get them and noticed that they are registered for 3 different sets of China or twin sheets... And most of all, do not critique what they registered for. Just because it isn't your style doesn't mean it is ugly!
2. Do tell the bride how beautiful she is and is going to be in her dress every time she mentions it. This is especially true for Mothers of the Bride. I get it - not everyone is into weddings and wedding dresses - understandable. And even if you think the bride isn't one of those people, we still expect it. In our heads, it is what is supposed to happen. I don't care if you have to pull out a nose hair to make yourself tear up! Show an emotion! Fake enthusiasm.
3. Just because you are paying for it, does not actually in fact mean that it is YOUR wedding. You don't get to pick the colors, or the flowers, or the attendants, or really, anything. You may certainly have an opinion, and are more than welcome to give it when asked for it. You are not, however, allowed to give it to us and expect us to take it as gospel, or tell us our different opinion is wrong. Unless you are 1 of the 2 people standing at the front, your opinion is just that - your opinion.
4. Do remember what you learned in kindergarten. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
5. Don't expect to have a mother-daughter relationship with you DIL the day she gets engaged. She has a mother-daughter relationship with her mother based on years of love and fights and learning to put up with the other. We are close to our moms because she put up with us between the ages of 12 and 18. You haven't put in your time yet.
6. You don't like other people cleaning your house or organizing your house when you didn't ask them. Why would you do it for your DIL?! What you are saying to her is: "You are not keeping my sons house the way I would, or good enough. You are a bad wife." Even if that is what you are thinking (and shame on you for thinking it!) don't act on it. Please refer to #4. Actions speak louder than words. You don't want someone going through your stuff. Even if it is intended to help and be a nice gesture, fight the urge!
7. Don't ask when you are going to have grandchildren. Most likely, you are going to get them... Don't push.
   
8. Don't ask what we did on our honeymoon, and more importantly DON'T under ANY circumstances, go through our camera or picture folders with out us there and without our permission! Unless you are an idiot, you have a pretty good idea of what we spent most of our time doing on the honeymoon, which is why you shouldn't look at the pictures unless we show them to you. Trust me on this one, it can lead to no good.

I am thinking about writing a book, like "Idiots Guide to Being a new Mother-In-Law". If you have any Do and Don't's or just a funny story, send it my way :)

Crazy Lady!

I read a blog this morning by a woman whose husband cheated on her. The blog is more or less about all the things she does to get back at him (you have to read it to believe it!) Check it out and come on back :) http://thatgirlemily.blogspot.com/

At first I just thought "This woman has lost her damn mind!" Then I think, "No, God forbid Matt ever did something like that, I am crazy enough to take revenge." But now that I thought about it more, I don't think I could go THAT far! I mean, she DESTROYED him!!! Until I saw the video and pictures, I just thought, shes just writing what she wishes she could do... She really did it! I mean, he could make a case to have her institutionalized!! I would!

I know, he cheated and should have his thing cut off and shoved down his throat... but I don't think it warrants all that! Am I alone here?! Maybe I don't have as much crazy in me as I thought. Or maybe I just love my husband enough to not want to destroy his entire existance for a mistake - I would just want him dead. And her, she would have to die first. Well, maybe I would want him destroyed and humilitated. No... I really think I have more respect than that. Maybe I'm just a newlywed. Who knows.

Matt, if you are reading this: You have seen me go crazy - Imagine what that would make me do! But I know you would never do anything like that :) "Tell me you'll always love me more. Tell me you'll love me more than the baby. Say it. Say you'll always love me more than the baby!"

(Rent Waitress if you haven't already. It isnt the best movie in the world, but you'll never get that quote it you dont. Or just continue thinking I'm crazy... Either way :)

Random Thoughts

So... i am a HUGE Biggest Loser fan. (You don't have to admit it, but we all know you watch it!). any who... I am watching the Couples Season (made because the writers refuse to keep doing what they do a crappy job at... more of this to come). I have to say, this seems kinda brutal. The father and daughter team is up for elimination. I came in in the middle of the episode, so I dont know the full story. But, the daughter only lost 7 pounds and the dad, who doesnt want to be there, lost 19. When she was crying to him about not wanting to go home for the sake of his health, he was like "well X, you lost the least amount of anyone, and I lost 19 pounds, so thanks, but we are going home" WHAT AN ASS!!!! He just more or less called his daughter a fat lazy ass on national TV. I'll let you know how elimination goes...

Update: the father/daughter team was kicked off. Shocker of all shockers. The dad more or less refused to loose weight and lost like an inch. The daughter did loose wieght and is starting to look pretty good. Way to show your a-hole dad!

About this writers strike. It needs to end. I mean, no offense writers, but you werent doing that great of a job to begin with. It has gone on too long. If you had ended this about a month ago, we would have stood up for you and said "sure, you deserve what you are asking for, whatever that is". But now you are really starting to piss me off! What about the other people on the show who aren't getting paid?!?! I'm not talking about the actors, but the production people who don't get paid the big bucks. Not to mention that I am bored and this is now F***ing with my life! I want Greys Anatomy, Desparate Housewives, Womens Murder Club, even CSI and Without a Trace!!! As bad as they are, I still like them and miss them. And now! The Golden Globes have been cancelled!?!? WTF?! Will it never end?! This has gone too far!

I ask you again, Why don't I have my own show?! Blaze, I know you feel me!